So here we go again. Another 9 months completely bereft of controversy and incident whereby nothing in any way noteworthy happens and we continue to not make any puns, write shed loads of absolute codswallop or talk about anything being tinpot.
Aaaaaaaand if you believe that, you're in for a long long fucking season my friend!
Preseason, in many ways, has thoroughly greased the cranking mechanism of that proverbial roller coaster we all love to hate. Signings, departures, mystery, spankings, a trophy, the rumour mill having us in meltdown, our overlord pulling off a couple of transfer coups and a reggae festival to boot.
Where are we off to first? St. Neots. No? No, us either... but Google is our friend and who doesn't love smashing the craphole out of some motorway to bring back all those memories of those glorious away days on route to us becoming the last ever team to go up from step 4, by finishing 2nd and winning an egg cup.
The Saints, as they're imaginatively nicknamed, are old hat in this league now having gained promotion back in 2012. Our very own Curonimo has close ties to the Neot'ians having been born in the same year as the original club was formed back in 1879.
So what do we know of the first team given the illustrious honour of welcoming us round their gaff? Well, not a fucking lot really because we're lazy fuckers. They've brought in a couple of the Barton lot from last season, so Connor "Mustard" Calcutt should be in full on banter-tastic mode during the warm up. They finished pretty low last season but have scored a butt load in preseason. They'll be gunning for us, so nothing more then our best will do.
Boro team news? The after effects of the bruising encounter with the Molesey knuckle draggers could have taken it's toll on the availability of some. "Richlist" Forbes, cap'n Ceej and "mustard" all were limping around like overworked prostitutes at a half-man half-horse singles night.
The arrival of Jackal "Fix-it" Saville (No, we're still in discussions with our legal team on where to go with that one), we suddenly seem heavy in numbers at the back. Wouldn't be surprised if someone's out the door before long. Will Spencer opt for his wingbacks or revert to a flat back 4?... Not a clue, not like he's going to fucking tell us is it. We're bellends with big mouths. Either way, "Truncheon" Hutchings and "tiny dancer" Oyenuga running the flanks most likely. Midfield is probably up for grabs more then anywhere else. The "Regis" factor could still come into play which, going on Molesey-u-next-tuesday, probably looks a good addition. Will the "Easter" Bunyan make his full debut? Hopefully so, because that's one of the finest nicknames we've bestowed up to this point. Front 3 seems to be the drug of choice again... and they pick themselves.
They're trialling a free minibus pick up service, from a couple of nearby pubs, are our hosts. That's non-league at it's beautiful best.
3 points please lads. Good luck. Let's fucking do this.
TheBoroWalk prediction : 6-4 'Boro