Eggs,Ham and Stale(mate) toast..... Double Dunce Table Toppers

Yes alright.... busy week so it's a Bogof, you lucky lucky people.

Tuesday 13th... Egg&Ham fry up the motorway.
So there we were, belting it up the motorway towards historic EggHam & Chips to partake in another new ground. Standing out like a budget deep fat fryer in a window display for black Friday, the Runnymede Stadium was tagged on to the sort of new housing development that the residents of Totland could only dream of. The Magna Carta was signed at Runnymede in 1215 and was originally drafted to make peace between the unpopular King and a group of rebel barons.... What?? What do you mean that sounds familiar?! Behave yourselves! Not too many grounds within 40 minutes of the San Cheerio, so we expected to see a plethora of familiar Boro barons gracing the terraces.

We piled in with 5 minutes to spare, the ticket seller struggling to work out the change for £8, from a tenner. Marvellous. At face value not the worst ground we'll bestow our glorious presence upon this season, that's as much as I can muster. The glorious bellowing chants of Reggie's fanclub, from behind the opposite goal, were an aural party, dragging an atmosphere into the proceedings that the EggHam & Chips faithful could only have dreamed of.

The stench of animal urine penetrated the far side terrace more clinically then Perry "the Hoffen" Coles going for a giant spongebob at a summer fete beat-the-goalie stall.

So, looking to build on the concise victory at Aylesbury United, Boro trundled out on to the field from out the side of the "main" stand.
No Michael "Churchill" Onovwigun, despite showing some promise at Aylesbury, and El Capitano CJ "Pammy" Fearn coming back into the ranks. Rumour has it that "Churchill" called up the club that morning saying that he had decided to go up to Manchester as he'd had better offers. I don't think we'll be the last to say.... "do one".

Into the action and it was all a bit tentative from the off. Boro certainly trying to take the game to EggHam&chips but, and this would set the tone for the majority of the night, couldn't find the quality (or luck) to put the hosts to the sword in the final third.
Half chances came and went at both ends, Boro not really troubling Jamie Norris particularly. The players were pretty vociferous, no tackles were being bottled. Massive shout out to Aaron "the slayer" Bufton for an absolute worldy of a save towards the end of the half. His safe hands, coupled with Dennis "the fire engine" Oli's unfaltering work rate were easily the 2 standout performances.  It was just one of those halves!! HT, 0-0
We were the better side. A positive team talk of encouragement to; keep focus, keep things moving, get tighter, cut out the needless long balls & be patient... was needed. As we arrived at the tea bar next to the changing rooms though...

To add to that, it became clear that "Mischa" Barton was to be the sacrificial lamb as his evening was done and Sam "Ali" Shaban would take his place. Seemed harsh as we thought "Mischa" had looked lively and played okay. Football is a game of opinions though.... and Spencer's is gospel.... 4 minutes after the restart....

In fairness, a lovely passing move from the Sarnies which had our defence left more static than a cheap Christmas jumper. Hard not to feel that our rhythm wasn't interrupted by the substitution though. That was illustrated over the next 15 or so as Boro looked more limp then an overworked gigolo and offered fewer penetrating movements then an adult incontinence pants testing facility. The hosts giving an absolute masterclass in premature time wasting too. Aaron "the Slayer" had equal measures of disdain and respect pouring from his glare.
The tide briefly turned on 70 minutes when, after almost going 2 down, Boro managed to work the ball into the EggHam&Chips box and "Ali" was on hand to coolly slot home into the host's ball bag. 1-1 and literally 3 minutes of impetus ensued as Boro, suddenly aware that they now had top of the table in their grubby little mitts, looked like they could build some pressure and nick the win. Again though it all just seemed to peter out to nothingness.
There were a couple of free kicks which almost showed promise... there were a few corners which we insisted on taking short for some unknown reason.... Norris spilled a few shots when, had the strikers been slightly more on their toes, they would have found the ball bag that way. MEH!
FT 1-1
It was a 5/10 performance. Far from Egg-cellent, not cracking, need more shellf control, no more chyolking, less fowls.... certainly not clucking awful though, just need to get back to our breast beakause we can wing this league.
The players know they have to improve, they're not stupid. We were top of the league again though. Small mercies and all that.




Saturday 17th - New Boro v Old Dunstablians
So here we were. Two weeks after the Hanwell omnishambles we were back at fortress Cherrywood having somehow manoeuvred our way back to the top of the league, heavily assisted by Royston potato chips' continued Goliath smashing performances in the trophy. There was no doubt that the club needed to put out a formal statement ON the pitch.

The big omission from the starting lineup was John "tiny dancer" Oyenuga. TheBoroWalk understands that he was booked in at the dentist in Queensmead to be fitted for a whole new set of gold teeth. He's a baller that lad, an absolute baller.... and he loves the burgler/cop in Home Alone. "Ali" Shaban was given the nod to step into midfield to continue his apprenticeship towards immortality, no doubt buoyed by his ball bag buster in midweek. He'd start on the right flank.

Lovely to see a young mascot running out with his yellow heroes... granted we're not 100% sure if he was a mascot or just another one of the academy lads having a run out in preparation for being on the bench next week, but... this is good!! Hook them in before Murdoch's lot get their grubby claws into their brains. Hope to see more!

From the off Boro took the game to the OD's... hard pressing, quick passing, energetic movements and very direct... as ever with Boro you just pray for early goals and, much like a randy housewife at a gangbang, we got exactly what we came for!
Following a 134 yard defence slicer from "Clintons" Ciardini, Dennis "the fire engine" Oli showed more quality hold ups then marks and spencers' lingerie department and he layed it off to Perry "the Hoffen" Coles who fired one at the ball bag causing a postal strike the Royal Mail would have been proud of.
Our plucky visitors managed their first effort on goal too, a long ball cleared away, was fired back in anger from a good 30 yards out... "the Slayer" taking no prisoners as he tipped the big dipper over his bar.
The breakthrough would come straight after though as "the Hoffen", "Ali" & "Clintons" had a game of ping pong with the Dunners' Defence, inside the box, eventually resulting in "Clintons" being bundled over like a protester at a Trump convention. "Fogle" stepped up and leathered the ball into the Dunners' ball bag. 1-0
Only a couple of minutes passed and Boro won a corner. Fogle coasted in like a majestic cruise liner coming in to dock at the harbour, his marker left in his dust contemplating his poor life decisions. Massive header..... 2-0

The match continued at a frantic pace, both sides trying to sniff out openings like an pervert at a new dogging hot spot.
Dunners were keen to get in on the act. More neat play up front resulted in a long cross over which was met with a tasty header which had "the Slayer" clambering. Luckily for the Boro it came back out courtesy of the white solid erection..... CJ then did his superman act to keep out the rebound.

"Ali" would soon be kicking himself as, after another glorious piece of forward play from "the Fire Engine", he was put through with just the keeper to beat, but he just misjudged his finish, missing the ball bag by inches.
Dunners continued to stay positive and almost found their way in on a couple of occasions. Only a fool would say this game was over. HT 2-0

Into the 2nd half and Dunners continued to look threatening in the final third, "Ali" clearing heroically off of the goal line. That clearance looked to have become even more important when, from the resulting attack, "Reggie" played a sublime ball into the path of "the Hoffen" who was scythed by the defender. Although he managed to stay on his feet, the referee rather impressively allowed the play to run on. Once it became clear the lunge tackle had enabled the keeper to snaffle up the ball, he called it back for a pen! Yes... you heard it here.... GREAT REFEREEING.
"Fogle" stepped up for his hat trick and...

That set up a final 20 minutes which were guaranteed to be more tents then Glastonbury.
After a great move from "the Hoffen" and "the Salmon", a low cross was sent over into the 6 yard box where an outstretched "fire Engine" foot failed to extinguish the Dunners' fire, from 2 yards out, managing to loft it on to the bar!
To add salt into the wounds, Dunners would nick a goal with 10 to go, a fine half volley from 25 yards out with "the Slayer" in no mans land. 2-1
Boro's nerves seemed to be eased by the sending off of Dunners' number 6, but I couldn't tell you what it was for as I was eating a Mars Bar. I'm sure it was warranted and absolute filth though.
"the Hoffen" had one last go, rounding the keeper only to have his goal bound effort blocked away by a vigilante defender.

A collective sigh of relief at FT... 2-1
"Fogle" got out of his sick bed to play today and still had the audacity to dominate proceedings and take home motm. That sums up this bunch of intrepid footballers we've got currently. It's not always going to be pretty, but we're moving into 'win's a win' territory now. If we can keep on ticking over... we'll be there or thereabouts come the end of the season.

Top at Chrimbo. Nice. 

Boxing Day at Fleet. Tasty. (Especially if we're trying to obtain some of their players)....!