Thursday 10 September 2020

BORO WALK back in the room

IIIIIIIIIIIIT'S.....US...HURRAY!!!
Like a badly pixilated eagle type thing-from-the-flames, we're back baby.

One of us thought the password for this was "Spencerisacunt" but the other thought it was "Princeisabigbaldbaby" but neither was right. What to do? Just forget all about the blog, that's what.

If we're honest, trying to find the silver lining to shit coloured cloud and polish a white fluffy turd with no shiny edges was getting tiresome and more than pointless. We weren't even entertaining ourselves anymore.

But, hey, what the fuck. It's 2020. The most fucked up year since, well, 2016, when we voted Leave and loads of cool famous people kicked the bucket. 

The concept of actual live Soccerball after basically 6 months had such a moistening effect that we had to dip our quill back in that pot.

It's not like the entertainment had stopped before we kicked a ball in mild annoyance again. Soothsayer extraordinare, our lord and master thought we wouldn't be playing football again until his kingdom had frozen over, but shock upon shock twas as if the Gods of football wanted to smite him and almost immediately put plans into action to let the good times return.

Because you see, we aren't elite. No shit. What appears to have happened is that the powers that be of the third tier and below of Non-League football didn't read the memo that appears to have been cobbled together by a blind, dyslexic child, direct from the government, that said non-elite sports could start again with spectators.

Plans started to be put into place for friendlies and Spencer thought now would be the time to get a team together again from those that hadn't already left to clubs that weren't allowed to start again, like Hemel Hempstead.

In the calender went Woking, but then we could only have a maximum of 300 at that game as it was the first game back, as was decreed by the Covid Police, at Sans Cheerio (Or the WE'VEGOTHIV Stadium) so they scrambled a Wednesday night fixture before against Leatherhead so we could have the 300 crowd decend then, before Woking brought the hoards to make up the 600 we were permitted, all ready for the FA Cup Preliminary Round when the bulk of our supporters could pack out the PRE and surrounding stands to the full 7000 capacity and sing the boys to victory and the 1st Qualifying Round. Images of Upton Park, Griffin Park and Highbury danced in our eyes as they glazed over and went all dewy. 

So, what with the inevitable delay to the season, our dark lord had not given the squad a moments thought and as we slowly creeped back, the squad began to jump ship. Reggie Young made the step up we expected, Rene Howe moved to Bedford and Goal of the Season nominee Bernie Tanner searched for first team chances casually at Walton.

Also, several other members of the squad disappeared without a trace with no whisper of their name, making us think we'd imagined them, and, let's be honest, with so many players crossing before us over the past two or three years, they have started to merge into each other, like some awful hybrid crap football monster.

To Leatherhead, or rather Leatherhead to us. We were promised trialists and by golly we got them. Trialists for what, in some cases, as it wasn't footballers? A few returning faces from loan spells also graced the green again and resembled a stoned gazzelle who had been shot in the arse.

If you're here for a full blow by blow of the football itself, come back for the next installment where we will pick apart the FA Cup shitanigans, but for now you're getting rough overview, ok? Tough!

It was shit.

Actually that's not fair, that comes in the third and final PSF against the mighty Basingrad a week later.

This 0-0 snore fest served as a limb loosener, a group that despite having played a handful of friendlies elsewhere behind closed doors, looked like strangers. We learnt just before that John 'Tiny Dancer' Oyenuga was departing for East Anglia Uni so we were down to just CJ from the promotion glory year, albeit injured.

What remained was Beach in goal (thank Christ), Brian 'The Messiah' Akongo, Seth 'The Mic' Owens, Jordan 'The Tits' Alawode-Williams, Louie 'Louie' Paget,
David 'Coltrane' Fitzpatrick, Tom 'Le Git' Leggett, Louis 'Well and Truly' Dunne, Connor 'One Pump' Cullen and AJ Sealy-Harris. More on him later.

Besides some comedy finishing that Baddiel and Skinner would have been hard pushed to replicate, it was what it was. For an opening home game after half a year absence, it could have been worse.

And so it proved. 

But not on the pitch. All of a sudden on Thursday AJ tweets he's upping sticks and fucking off. To who knows where either. Rumours fly around that he's got an agent, he's going to Gillingham, he doesn't like our football style (we have one?!?) or he is quitting football altogether. This proves to be a shock to everyone if for no other reason than timing. He'd signed registration forms the night before and it wasn't that bad. We drew for Christ's sake.
Our fuhrer hadn't given up hope but he wasn't down for the next match.

Woking only sent an U23's team on Saturday with Matt Jarvis on the bench apparently but never making the light of Day. It appears he was never here as his Instagram posts of his kids attests. So many lies.

I don't think we got to the 600 we were hoping for.

The best bit about the entire day was after what we were told was just a swansong for John 'Tiny Dancer' Oyenuga, subsequently transpired to be that he may be back for good as his Uni place could be more local. 

They were fitter, stronger, more productive in the first half than us, a couple of irritating little flies buzzing around the pitch that needed swotting and it only took a tiny bit of a nudge for one of them to crash down in the area and the penalty was dispatched. A generally competent defensive display was only blotted by one mistake that unfortunately was costly and it was two just before the break.

Second half was much improved with the introduction of several new trialists that we'd used the right agency for this time and they were in fact ballers. Messrs 16, 18 and 19 proved useful, from defensive midfield, striker and right wing respectively. The former scoring a slightly deflected free kick to halve the arrears. 
We were hopeful they'd appear against Basingrad.

Despite losing 2-1 it went to penalties where it appeared no one but Liam could be arsed and after ten penalties it finished 2-1 to Boro. Beechy playing demi-god with THREE saves and one striking the bar and going over. We scored two pens, can't remember who.

And then the other night, our chums from down the M3 travelled up in what was hoped to be a morale booster before the cup trials and tribulations. 

Only two trialists started, although one we are lead to believe is James Jewer in midfield who has appeared for at least the past four games. The other was the striker at 9, who started against Woking at 10. 

More good news (it just keeps coming) was that Bradley Pearce was back on loan for a period of time from Sutton United which was jolly nice of them. Dunne was back from non- Covid related illness. 

First half we were far the better side without the end product. A needs must top three of trialist striker flanked by Tiny Dancer and The Tits looked odd to begin with but they proved tricky for the Stockies to handle. Only a very out of character gaff by Liam allowed an innocuous dribbler to bobble past him as he knelt to gather. It's one you would obviously expect him to save and he would 99 times out of 100 but this time a combo of taking his eye off the ball and grass longer than my back garden did for him. Tiny Dancer restored parity straight away and it looked as though we'd push on. 

But then perversely, after around 40 minutes Tony 'Topknot' Halsey replaced The Tits. Nothing untoward occured in his brief first half cameo but there were no further changes at the break, except in formation. And it fucked it.

We received news at half time that AJ was turning out for Gosport but sebsequent teamsheets and sub lists proved otherwise.

Bizarrely we seemed so open to the counter and so it proved our undoing. Twice a slightly over nippy break allowed Amazingrad to score, the first a nice finish but the second a defensive calamity with keeper and centre backs switching off and not communicating. A myriad of subs proceeded that ended any continuity.

Trialist striker that was 18 against Woking but today 15 came on but toiled to no avail. Midfielder that was 16 but now 12 steadied the ship but there was no spark. 19 from Woking was injured. And to be frank, Topknot was abysmal. Attempting to sugar coat it has proven near impossible. He cannot be in any long term plans. Sorry Tony.

Further shite news was The Tits, who had returned to the fray, was scythed down by a dirty cunt when clearing from the edge of our area. Utterly pointless challenge that he hobbled slowly away from after several minutes of treatment. Unecessary in a friendly and unfortunately the eye was not revenged upon. 

Further penalties at the end proved that should we be able to get to 90 minutes all square against these world beaters from two leagues below on Saturday we might get through on spot kicks. On the second half tonight I doubt that very much. But then, that was always part of the plan, as with any season, to not participate in any cup competitions that could spin some cash and then complain about budget some more.

There's a laundry list of absentees and those we might not have clearance of one variety or another for Lymington but if these friendlies have taught as anything, we could not begin to guess what system we'll play or who might start beyond Beechy, Leggett, Owens and probably The Messiah and Dunne. Oh and of course Pearce. Hopefully Tiny Dancer is still with us. Connor 'One Pump' won't be.

A birdy told us that AJ ain't wanted by Gosport and might turn up on Saturday, tail between legs. But who fucking knows anymore.

It's never dull round our way, but the birds are minging (the dirty pigeons, they love a bit of it). You never know, we might be in the bag for the next round come Monday. 

As always, COME ON BORO!!!










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